Monthly Archives: May 2011

WIll the rapture cause a demon-zombie apocalypse?

The short answer: PROBABLY!

The rapture hits May 21st according to billboards around Dallas, probably related to this nonsense:

But what if it isn’t nonsense? And what if it’s only the souls of millions of Christians that disappear, leaving their bodies? Demonic forces might then take over their bodies and brains to do Satan’s bidding! Be prepared around May 21st for the hordes of ravenous Christian zombies that will undoubtedly descend upon the sinners of the world. Or maybe they’ll just take over their everyday lives, leaving the rest of us unaware of the changeover? Whatevs.



Holy crap guys! I’m getting married today, so this is odd timing, but I just realized that the Internet is the worldly manifestation of Cthulhu! It is slowly consuming our minds and causing our bodies to wither away from inaction, as our consciousness is sucked into its ever expanding spiral of PRON, WAREZ, AND DOOM! Check these “facts” out:

1. Cthulhu has a whole bunch of tentacles to suck out souls or something. The Internet is full of tentacles! It’s made of tentacles! Bonus fact: Worse than tentacles, the “web” is radiating through our bodies all of the time thanks to cell phone networks and wifi! If you live in a major city- porn, cat videos, and snuff films penetrate your brain all day long! We are already submerged deep in a sea of Lovecraftian nightmarescapes!

2. Cthulhu will bring madness and horror to all, causing laughing fits at the horrors of the world as our minds degrade and cave in to the worst depravities imaginable. I.e.

3. Millions of netizens worldwide worship Cthulhu! Check this out:

Anyway, it’s way too late to stop Cthulhu’s Net, so have a nice apocalypse.